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Tea you later, Sherlock."So, why do I have to wear this ridiculous hat?" Sherlock asked, fixing the hat on his head with a scowl.
"Because it's a uniform, Sherlock. We all have to wear one, and please stop complaining. You should just be grateful I got you this job in the first place." John sighed, counting the money in his register drawer.
"I am grateful, I needed a job. But that has nothing to do with this dreadful green hat." Sherlock pointed to the baseball cap on his head.
"Look, just stock the shelves behind me. I don't want to put you on the register until you gain more people skills." John said as a woman approached the counter. "Good afternoon, ma'am. Will this be all for you today?" John asked, picking up the box of chai tea that she had put on the counter.
"Yes, thank you." She smiled as she reached for her wallet.
"Why are you buying that here? You can get the same thing at any supermarket for less." Sherlock commented, seeing the price on the glowing screen in front of John.
"Oh, well, I guess I'
Zutara week2013: sootheZuko was up in his office working. It was wonderful that right now he was organizing Azula's work files because that was what his father thought to be top priority. He really hated his job. He was working on alphabetizing Harrison, Harvey, and Harper when he heard a cry from down stairs. He dropped the folders to the desk and sprinted down to the first floor where he heard crying coming from the kitchen. He busted through the door to see Katara holding a towel around her hand and keeping it close to her stomach. The towel was rapidly turning red.
"What happened?!" He asked running over to her.
"What's going on?" Sokka asked, coming up the stairs to the basement.
"I cut my thumb open on a knife." Katara cried.
"Alright, sit up here." Zuko easily lifted her up onto the counter as Sokka rummaged for the first aid kit. "What were you doing?"
"I was washing dishes, and I thought I got them all so I reached into the water to check and sliced my finger open really bad." She said, tightening h
Zutara week2013: bound"Oh, shut up. You're 17, you don't know everything." Katara said, drying her hands on a towel.
"I know more about parenting than you do, Katara. Hiccups are annoying to everyone. Putting some sugar on his pacifier to stop it isn't going to anything to him." Toph said, crossing her arms defiantly.
"Except give him a huge sweet tooth. And he's going to get cavities if you keep giving him sugar once he gets teeth-"
"I'm going to brush his teeth, Katara. It's not that bad."
"You still don't know everything, Toph. I've been the mother around my house since my mom died."
"Oh, here we go again with the, oh I had to grow up so fast because my father and brother couldn't take care of themselves."
"Hey, I'd like to see you do all the stuff I did. You had people to do everything for you. Mommy and Daddy did whatever you wanted. Some of us didn't have all that money to throw around."
"Hey! I don't fall back on my parent's money! I've been holding my own since I got pregnant, and I'm just fine. I'v
Zutara week2013: gravity"Ugh, stupid, freakin-"
"What are you doing in there?" Zuko asked from the couch.
"Nothing! Damn it!" Katara yelled again.
"Ok, I'm coming in there-"
"No! Don't come in here!" She yelled from the kitchen. Zuko stood there with his hand on the door, contemplating going into the kitchen anyways.
"What are you doing?" He asked, letting his hand fall from the wooden door.
"Nothing. It's nothing." Katara said, rushed. It was followed by a crash and the sound of a ceramic bowl shattering.
"Are you o-" Zuko asked as he pushed the door open. Before him was a flour and batter covered Katara, even wearing an apron, standing by a broken bowl spilling batter onto the tile wood floor.
"I, uh, hi." Katara waved timidly.
"What is going on in here?" Zuko asked, stepping over the mess on the floor to his wife.
"I was, uh, I was making a cake." She said softly.
"I wanted to surprise you with it after our anniversary dinner." She looked up at him with puppy-dog eyes. "But stupid gravity-"
Zutara week2013: voices"Kat?" Zuko asked, poking his head into the kitchen. He had been looking for her all over the place, but she was no where to be found.
"Katara!" He yelled down the basement stairs. But there was no response. Just the silence of an empty house. Sokka and Suki had gone out for the day. Azula was with Ty-lee and Mai. His parents had gone to work. He was in the house alone. But he had no clue where his wife was.
"Zuko," He heard a whisper. He could swear it was Katara. Maybe he was going crazy, but he turned around, and he could almost see it in front of him.
"Zuko, I can't reach the top shelf." The 16 year old Katara was standing on her toes trying to reach the bowls on the top shelf of the cabinet.
"Here, I got it." The 18 year old Zuko before him reached up above her and grabbed the bowl she had been reaching for.
"Thanks." Katara rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek as she continued to make her breakfast.
He had never realized how much of a life him and Katara had in this hous
Zutara week2013: EuphoriaZuko and Katara were sitting on the couch watching tv when Suki came running through the door.
"Hi, Suki, how you doing?" Katara asked, looking up at her.
"We're having a girl!" Suki said, running over to behind the couch.
"Oh my gosh! That's so exciting!" Katara turned around and knelt on the couch.
"Not when it's your wallet taking the hit." Sokka said, walking in carrying a big box.
"We bought a crib." Suki said happily.
"So, what are you going to name her?" Katara asked.
"Kiri. We talked about it and we both love that name." Suki said, looking back at Sokka.
"Oh, that's so exciting. Let's go get Toph. We'll have a girl's day." Katara said, looking at Zuko.
"Here. Don't do anything extremely expensive." He sighed and handed her his car keys and his credit card.
"Thank you. I love you." Katara gave him a kiss on the cheek and ran out the door with Suki.
"Guess we're building a crib." Zuko said, grabbing one end of the big box.
"Aang is coming over to help. You know, like get us beers
Zutara week2013: Calor"Zuko, zuko." Katara shook her husband awake.
"Hm? What?" He asked, squinting against the sunlight coming in through the window.
"Toph is bringing the baby over. Aang has to work a double shift today and Toph has to go run errands. We have to watch him." She said, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Ugh, I don't want to watch a baby. They're sticky and loud and they drool." Zuko sighed, rolling back over in bed.
"Zuko, get up. I told Toph we could watch Di-Chi." Katara sighed, crossing her arms.
"Then shouldn't you get dressed?" Zuko asked, looking at her in her blue t-shirt and plaid pajama shorts.
"Look who's talking. Look, if you don't want to watch the baby, fine, I'll do it myself, you just stay up here and sleep." Katara said, angrily grabbing her ponytail off of the dresser and storming out of the room. The doorbell was ringing as she rushed down the stairs.
"I'm coming!" She yelled as she reached the front door. Toph was standing on the other side of it with a wriggling baby in h
Zutara: Movie nights and Sleepovers"Be good, Zuko. Thank you for watching him, Kaya." Ursa stood at her neighbor's front door with her son.
"I will be." Zuko said, wincing as his mother kissed his cheek. "Mom." He grumbled.
"Right. I'm leaving." Ursa waved and left her son at her friend's house.
"Katara! Zuko's here!" Kaya yelled up the stairs. Katara ran down the steps, her little pig tails bouncing with each bound.
"You two go ahead and watch a movie. I have some work to do." Kaya went to her office at the top of the stairs and left the children alone.
"Let's watch The Little Mermaid." Katara said, shutting the door behind her friend.
"That's what we watched last weekend. It's my turn to pick." Zuko stumbled over to the shelf with the DVDs and looked for one. He pulled one out and passed it to the girl behind him.
"A Nightmare on Elm street? Sokka said that was a really scary movie." Katara said, glancing at the cover of the movie.
"What? You're not scared are you?" Zuko asked, raising his eyebrows and crossing his ar
ZM12: Sublime"No, Dad, I-I get it. I know. Alright, We'll call you." Sokka was sitting at the kitchen table talking on his cell phone. Katara had just walked into the room and overheard the ending of his conversation. "Yeah, Yeah tell Uncle Bato we said hi. Be careful out there. Love you too. Bye." Sokka hung up the phone and set it on the table.
"Was that dad?" Katara asked.
"Yeah. Umm, Katara, Dad can't be home for Christmas." Sokka said looking up at her with watery eyes.
"What? B-but he said-"
"I know. But, something happened at the navy base and he has to stay there for a few more months." Sokka sighed. Katara started crying. "Katara, it'll be ok. I'll be here and Zuko. Toph, Aang, Suki, all our friends will be here." He stood up and hugged Katara.
"But this is the first year without Dad. Or Gran-Gran. I don't even know if Grandpa Paku is coming. Last I heard he had retired in Alaska." Katara cried. Sokka looked up and saw Zuko standing in the door way. He shook his head and turned around and
Daddy!LevixChild!Reader - The Hard Stuff
Levi looked down at his daughter. She stood timidly near the doorway, fiddling with the large towel in her hands. Her hair was still soaked from the bath she had taken not minutes ago, and droplets of water fell from the glossy strands and onto her yellow nightgown.
“What, _____?” he said in his usual cold tone, though _____ knew it wasn’t completely intentional.
The six-year-old looked down at the peach-colored towel clutched in her tiny fingers. “U-Um, Mommy always helps me dry my hair. . .”
Levi sighed softly and sat up on the couch, motioning _____ to come closer. When she did, he sat her down on the floor in front of him and took the towel from her hands. He spread the towel over her small head and gently massaged it through the towel. He wrapped the towel around her long strands and proceeded to knead the water out of them.
“Daddy, where’s Mommy?” _____ asked, turning her head to look at her father.
BertholdtxReader - Cynophobia [AU]
cynophobia - (n.) the fear of dogs
“Man, how long has it been since you’ve been to my house?”
“A month, I think,” Bertholdt replied from the front passenger seat as I drove down the empty road.
“Seems like more to me,” I commented, propping an elbow on the armrest between me and my friend. “I think my parents are still at work, so we’ll probably be alone with Maes.”
“Maes?” he said, confused.
“Oh, yeah. I didn’t tell you? I got a dog a couple weeks ago.”
I felt Bertholdt freeze beside me. “A-A dog?”
“Yeah. A two-year-old pit bull.” I turned into my neighborhood and relaxed into the seat when I slowed down the car. “I thought you knew. Even Levi knows—and now he refuses to come over now because he thinks my place is completely covered in dog crap.”
Bertholdt made what sounded like a forced chuckle, rubbing his hands on his pant legs. “S-So, um,
The InfomercialThe Infomercial
(This story is from the upcoming MagnusMagneto Musclethology #1. It's a collection of three short stories that will be given exclusively to those who support me on Patreon. These stories will be even more whimsical than my usual stuff, foregoing character development and scientific explanations for more light-hearted fare.
If you want access to this story in PDF format along with two more tales of similar length and light-hearted tone, consider becoming a Patron of mine before July 31st! http://www.patreon.com/magnusmagneto
There are also a few references/homages to other FMG works/authors and the femmuscle community in general. All done out of total respect and admiration. See how many you get!)
“Welcome folks to the infomercial event of the year!” A tall, attractive woman with bright auburn hair and piercing blue eyes faced the camera with a bright, white smile. She wore skimpy blue workout clothes
Death Battle: Scorpion vs. Hellboy
Roy: Alright the combatants are set, we have taken every angle into account and we have found ourselves a verdict.
Ivan: Let us watch the Hellfire ninja attempt to break his streak.
Roy: So, it's time for a Death Battle!
Ivan: So enthusiastic...
Roy: What? Just because I stole your line-
Ivan: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!
It was quiet that night. No one was out of their home, probably because of the big red demon walking about. Hellboy stepped out of a nearby pancake house, the owner watching his demonic customer exit the restaurant. His breath reeked of pancakes and beer.
Hellboy pulled out a wrinkled and folded-up piece of paper. It had "DEATH BATTLE" written at the top. Hellboy looked at it as he found the opponents name on the paper.
"Scorpion." Hellboy read aloud as he checked the area. He didn't see anything. Meanwhile in the depths of hell a yell was heard. A yellow clad ninja walked out of a blazing fire, a chain hanging from his arm. It was Scorpion.
Tell me story"Why you read zat book, hmm?"
Victor had come to pay a visit to his Princess, whom he had found up in her library -as always- reading her afternoon away. Though he rather liked it when she read, especially when she read aloud to him. The sound of her voice was always soothing (and exotic, with that accent she had) and he always found it a treat when she offered to read to him.
So after she chose a book, they had left the libary and gone to her room, where she gathered up her pillows and made a sort of nest for them. Oh, this he really liked. Not so much the pillows (too soft for his taste) but more that he got to snuggle up next to her.
His finger curled and uncurled her strand of hair idly, resting his chin upon her shoulder as he looked over the words of her books. So many words, and no pictures? How did she stand to read so much without pictures?
"I's one o' mah favorites in this book." was her answer, holding up the large book, the title of 'Grimms Fairytails' written across it. "I
TG Caption This: It Was In School's Mystery Meat?!
"A cheeseburger please," said the girl across the counter. I happily handed her the burger and let the next person come up.
"I'll take the ham," said the next guy. I pulled the slice of ham out of the tray it was warming up in, and stuck it on the tray.
"Would you like some potatoes with that?" I asked. The guy shook his head and walked down to the drinks.
"I'll take the chicken, and can I have his potatoes?" asked the girl behind him who stepped up to the counter.
"Protocol says I shouldn't, but I'll make an exception just for you." I said with a wink.
The girl laughed. "You're the best Tom! Let's hang out after school."
Student after student came up and ordered each of our school's dishes. Sure enough, by the end of my shift, all food was gone except for the one dish nobody every ordered - the mystery meat. There were some pretty bad rumors as to what was really inside of it. Some said it was the ground up body of the old superintendent, some said it was the foreskins of newborn babi
AmericaXReader: Unexpected Courage “Where is he?” you questioned as you stood in front of the bus stop waiting for your friend. He wanted you to meet him there because he had something “really fun” planned for the day. It was five o’clock when you finally saw him running toward you.
“Hey, dudette! Sorry for the wait,” he bent over softly panting, “it’s just that-”
“It’s fine, Alfred. I just want to know what you have planned,” you looked into his blue eyes with excitement.
“Okay, but you have to close your eyes,” he winked at you.
Penny and The Spider“Three. Two. One. DRINK!” Jana Glushakov squealed excitedly before she and her group of friends eagerly gulped back their multi-coloured shots of tequila. She downed it in one, then briefly stuck out her tongue to get rid of the aftertaste. “Whew, I always forget how strong they make them here,” Jana giggled.
“Want another birthday girl?” her friend and housemate Harmony asked Jana after she finished her own shot. “It’s my turn to buy a round in.”
Jana shook her head, “No let’s wait until the next bar. Besides I’ve got half a Long Island Ice Tea to finish.”
Jana’s friends tried to persuade her otherwise, but the birthday girl, nineteen that very day, had made up her mind. The beautiful blonde haired girl of Russian origin was having too much fun to care what her fellow university students thought. She intended to last the whole night, and the City of London was to
JimmyXCindy week: CareerCindy sat in her college class. She was going to school to be a lawyer, and the university of Retroville had a fantastic law program. Her teacher wasn't in today, so someone else stood at the front of the class. She was having trouble following today. He wasn't the best teacher of law, and he was kind of cute, so she really wasn't paying attention.
"A-Alright class, good lesson today. Now uh, class dismissed." The professor said. Cindy gathered her things and went up to the desk.
"Ok, you should not make teaching your career." She said.
"I know! They needed a quick sub today, I didn't have a class. So, quiet you." He said, erasing the chalk board.
"I'm teasing you Jimmy." Cindy chuckled at his reaction.
"I know that too." He sighed.
"Oh you act like you know everything." Cindy said.
"I do know everything." He said, turning to her.
"Yeah, yeah. You just think your so smart, and cute, and sexy." She said.
"You think I'm sexy?" Jimmy asked.
"No, I think you think you're sexy." She said de
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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